My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
