With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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