On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
