I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
