This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
