dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
