you have to choose: penises or morals?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
