Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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