Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
