I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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