just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
