Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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