i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
