I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
