I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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