So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
