my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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