i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
