do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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