I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
