I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
