so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
