On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
