I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
