Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
