But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can't motorboat a personality
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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