My room smells like vodka and shame
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
