Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
