If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
