I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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