i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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