I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
