I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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