They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
