i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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