It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
