Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
