You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
