Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
