we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
