my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They have beer where we have blood.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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