is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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