i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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