I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
