Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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