Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
