My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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