And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
