you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
