i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
