Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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