Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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